Brian and Ruth Christine Newsletter, March 2003

The days are lengthening thank God. I'm not a big winter fan and Ruth can tell you how for me, every season but winter is a foreboding reminder that winter is just around the corner. I grew up in Indiana where winter seems to drag on and on forever. At least now I know how to enjoy winter and make the most of the snow etc. Nevertheless, being truly nomadic, I will make the most of it at a more southerly latitude thank you very much.

Well, some of you may be wondering if I somehow slipped away because you've not heard from me in personal correspondence in so long. Around the holidays I took on a new job here in the institution that consumes a huge portion of my week. Though it's only six hours a day (8-11 8 1-9), it's the gate checks getting too and from, the hour long Count times, and the meals etc. Then I have to balance the remaining waking hours between writing to my wife and children (I make it a priority to write to Ruth most every day) and getting the exercise and fresh air my body needs. This is a most unhealthy environment and at least 1/2 the population in this barely ventilated and overcrowded dorm is sick with some nasty symptoms. I myself got really sick and spent some days laid up on my bunk. So my personal correspondence folder is about an inch thick right now. I apologize for the delay and I hope you look at this newsletter as somewhat supplementary. I'm slowly getting my time organized and maybe some day I'll get a handle on it. In some ways I'm lost without my beautiful appointment keeper/reminder Ruth! She's like a walking calendar. I miss her so much and that's the least of the reasons why.

Please keep praying for our reunification as a family. When first arrested in Montana, I wrote publicly that our reunification would be due in large part to the Crumbling of America. This was one month before September 11th. Look at how fast and terribly we've descended since then! I do not know how much longer we face imprisoned, but at the most I can only see this current system holding up for another two years. I know a little about budgeting and accounting and the practice of Oregon's current government is just not sustainable. 

I will gladly watch this system Crumbles even with the release of 19%128 prisoner in here. I would be much safer carrying a handgun than relying on police to protect my family from danger. If you are an unarmed family, please please arm yourselves and train all family members, especially children to respect and handle them properly. Also, store at least a small amount of emergency food and water in your residence. As an Eagle Scout I learned the Boy Scout motto well, "Be Prepared". We're obviously heading into some very very rough days. Let's be ready.

As far as Ruth and I go, we're surviving OK. Ruth is still baking away in the bakery at CCCF. The job I took on is Graphic Artist/Page Layout but my job has expanded greatly from just those specific duties. I'm on a fast and up to date computer doing graphics more as a side issue (I used to do graphics professionally for years on the streets). I'm focused on getting the office to function efficiently, building a strong 'team' atmosphere and streamlining all the processes that go on. My boss is an amazing man, his intelligence and quick thinking/problem solving skills blow me away! He's also a follower of Jesus :) Often I don't want to leave the office at all, coming back to the dorm is like going home to a pig sty, but I should be thankful, I've definitely slipped into a Joseph type position (in the prison). I'm learning skills that would be hard to come by even on the streets! For you computer nuts, I'm a Mac-head by nature, but we're using Windows in the office. My assignment is to help in our transition over to the free Linux system software and utilities. I'm learning Linux at a rapid pace and it's pretty exciting. But the most important skill I'm learning is the teamwork and team maintenance (building up instead of tearing down). I've always run businesses for myself, by myself. Never before have I been so focused on the team work aspect and that's really good for me. We have weakly meetings now where we are learning to be honest and open with each other in an effort to produce better work and hold each other accountable. It feels like an office out in the real world and that's AWESOME. Unfortunately, we can't get on the web or send e-mails etc. They keep a pretty tight reign on security issues like that.

If you're waiting to hear back from me, please be patient, I am getting caught up... very slowly =) Brian Christine -

Disclaimer
This newsletter is not published by an organization, a religions a groups a company or an association. This newsletter is nothing more than words on paper. Readers are not members of any of the above and shall not be labeled as such.

Bush Quotes

I keep reading these quotes by our current president and laughing out loud. I hope you get as big a kick out of them as I have :) Brian

Reality Check (excerpts from Ruth's letters to Brian)

Jan. 15th 2003 "...I feel like saying Hi to you, my name is Ruth. I'm 29 years old, 5'5", brunette, brown eyes, 125 lbs. I work in the bakery here at CCCF making cakes. I'm a Christian on my good days, on my bad ones don't come near me. I don't do rejection very well. Most of the time I secretly hate myself and right now I really do hate myself. Lord help me..." Jan. 23rd, 2003 "...I stood in the warm shower after working out, put my arms around myself and cried because there is no one to hug me, no one to love me in the physical. And I thanked my Papa who is in heaven for whatever opportunity that lack brings. Amen..." Jan. 29th 2003 "...Thank you for never blowing me off. Thank you for being my very best friend. Thank you for always listening to me. Thank you for wanting me. Thank you for being willing to wait for me, to fight for and die for me. Thank you! I'm so proud of you. Thank you. Thank you that I can trust in you to stand by me to never intentionally hurt me, never leave me, not even stay angry at me for very long :) Thank you that you are such a good friend. You're awesome. You're even listening to me right now. You even put up with my complaining, my struggles my failures, my weaknesses, my stupidity - everything!..."

A Prayer for Help (Author Unknown)

I asked God to take away my habit. God said, "No. It is not for me to take away but for you to give up."
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, "No. His spirit is whole. His body is temporary."
I asked God to grant me patience. God said, "No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulation: It isn't granted, it is learned."
I asked God to give me happiness. God said, "No. I give you blessings, happiness is up to you."
I asked God to spare me pain. God said, "No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to Me."
I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, "No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful."
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, "No. I give you life so that you may enjoy all things."
I asked God to help me love others as much as He loves me. God said, "Ahhhhh... Finally you have the idea."

"Liberty lies in the hearts of man and women\ when it dies there, no constitution, no law, no count can save it." - Judge Learned Hand 

Letter Excerpt from Lilith's Letter to Brian--

" The rivers where I grew up are so quiet and clear you can see every leaf in the trees above reflected on the surface of the water, and at the same time see clear to the bottom - every shell and bit of gravel at the bottom. And yet when you step in, the current pulls the sand from around your feet, pushes irresistibly downstream. Millions of gallons of water going by, and the water-beetles still dance with their reflections on the surface. I think that is what God must be like, sometimes. Strength and peace. Irresistible force and beautiful, unshakable peace all at once. May God grant you the strength and tranquility of those rivers. -Lilith"

Morning Sky

Have you ever walked and gazed at the beauty of the sky? The mystery of a full moon still Clinging to the sky in the morning hours! Fine wisps of Cloud rippling and swirling across the blue. The heavenly glow of morning's golden sunlight illuminating the clouds?

Did you ever stop and think about the one who made it?

Did your heart fill with Awe and Praise of such a Creator?

Did it set your Spirit dancing and light your heart on fire?

Such is the power of Creation - it testifies to us of the glory of God - God's word says that there is a God because of Creation - so let's make the most of it, appreciate it and Most of all, Thank Him for it because it is awesome! Ruth Christine -

Letter Excerpt from Brian's letter to Ruth..

"...Man, movie tonight was awesome, "The Bourne Identity". All in Europe and it took me home, plus it was a man and a woman thrown into operations type scenario and you known that's so us! We've lived a krazy life man! Absolutely freaking krazy! You think you're so weak, insecure and helpless/hopeless but you packed a ****'ing piece for family and you did it boldly! You slept out in frozen grass with a rifle under your head man, how many women have done that? How many couples have been through so much and survived? It's movie stuff! It's krazy adventure spy Hollywood stuff and we've lived it! Most people live boring lives. OK, so boring sounds good to us right now but if we got it, we wouldn't be happy that way for long. I've gotta be solving problems learning "the real story" and pressing in higher and further in. I'm a krazy-assed adventurer and you're my hard-core with- ya- til- there's- a- bullet- in- my- cranium chick and I love it! It's all I've ever dreamed of, our life, You! You're the one I was always looking for and there you are! It's only a matter of time until we're together baby. Just you and I alones our togetherness is bigger and stronger than the whole judicial system. Watch and see it crumble and we'll be standing there covered in dust by the aftermath, just standing there laughing, just you and I :) :) happy as can be, just laughing. I love you.--"

Attitude Matters

I've had several interesting conversations recently about attitude so I thought I'd write a little something on the subject. This topic has come up in my life quite a few times in the past few weeks. I have seen how much my attitude affects my perspective on life and also the choices that I make based on that. If I take a positive perspective on where I am at, what I am doing and more importantly what God is doing, it makes me a positive person. I am then thankful for what I An have and I recognize that God is working through what I don't. If a difficult situation arises, I can shrug my shoulders, smile and say that God has it under control. If on the other hand, I look at my life and Complain about what I don't haven complain when things don't go how I want them to and look at everything negatively - I'm miserable. My life looks bleak and without hope. I'm no fun to be around because I'm either silent or opening my mouth to complain. And how does that honour God? Even my decisions take a negative directions based on lack of trust and lack of faith in God and even in myself. 

So if you catch me talking negatively please remind me that it isn't doing me any good at all.

 I have noticed that our attitude is affected a lot just with how we start our day- Did I wake up (9:30am is my wake up time for work) and make the effort to really remember who God is and genuinely seek His blessing for my days and am I thankful and positive about how the day will go - or did I wake up and half-heartedly mutter something to God, drag myself out of bed, scowl at myself in the mirror and think "oh now it's only Wednesday"? As the Psalmist wrote so often in the Psalms - "Selah" or pause and calmly think on that. Ruth Christine -

For Ruth by Danielle A. Cloakey
I kept the television on that night
out of boredom, perhaps,
of maybe I didn't want to sleep just yet.
Then suddenly, you were there on the screen,
holding hands with your beloved
with tears streaking down your face.
You reached out and touched me
my heart and soul
You lost everything,
your children and your husband,
and your right to be with them
You grew up thinking,
"I can't wait to explore the world"
only to have it yank away your freedom
But, now it's not forever,
it's never forever.
I saw your spirit reflected in your eyes that night
as you held your head up high,
and as you willingly took up your cross for Jesus.
You're living for God now - you can't give up hope.
He knows what you're Capable of
and when you've had enough.
Just close your eyes and pray now
that His Holy Spirit will see you through -
You'll get your miracle you need so badly.
Until then, dear one, I want to be there for you -
an ear for listening, a heart to trust,
and a hand to hold -
even though I can't be there at your side right now
rest peacefully and know you are loved
more than you can ever imagine.
Every morning when I get up
every night I lay my head down,
I'll whisper a little prayer for you and yours,
that you'll feel safe and loved
all of your days.... God bless you.

Words to the State

"Are you willing to work to get your children back?"
Yes, we were we sacrificed everything but it wasn't enough? What more proof do you need?
I try to tell you I love my children
try to tell you they're my life.
But you just won't listen.

I try to tell you that I'm gonna work to get them back
but everything I do just isn't good enough.

You moved that hoop so many times
I just lost Count
I tried, believe me I tried.

But you moved that hoop too many times
and this time I got mad
and decided what I had to do.

I decided to prove to all of us
to me and to your
that I loved those kids with all my life.

The Ultimate proof that I'd do anything for my kids,
I took them back.
What more proof do you need?

by Ruth Christine -

Tidbits--

Some of you may be interested to check out an FBI report from a project called 'Megiddo'. The project determined that Christians who believe the Constitution gives them certain "inalienable rights" and particularly Christians who own firearms are "extremists" who may spontaneously turn into "terrorists" without warning. Ashcroft has not denounced the report, so this anti-Christian sentiment must persist within the FBI. You might be able to check this out at The Megiddo Connections at http://www.networkusa.org/fingerprint/page1b/fp-megiddo-bizarre.html