Brian and Ruth Christine Newsletter: Edition 20
May 2004 Newsletter
Here we are. God's creation springs to lush growth as all the cold melts away. And man's system struggles and sputters yet plugs along just the same, as another year is eaten by the locusts for some.
Yet all is not lost, as we grow in all the places God plants us, not matter how brutal or enduring the torture. Yet our lot is hardly torture. How can I complain when I have such a lovely and faithful wife, 5 beautiful daughters, great family and so many supportive friends? Best of all, God walks with me day in and day out, 24-7... FOREVER!
Nonetheless, the whole prison life gets kind of old after a while. Still no word back on our appeal and that's a little frustrating. I've been working on legal issues for Ruth and I in my spare time, trying to find ways to shorten our sentences. A few avenues look promising but it's a lot of work and it's difficult to find direction without knowing the results of the direct appeal.
People doing time choose different methods of handling it. Most choose to cut ties with the outside world and let the prison become their entire reality. They burn their bridges and acclimate to this man-made micro-society. Others, like Ruth and I choose to carry on living a life very connected to the outside world.
The latter is much harder to do, as well as being quite painful, but being a dreamer and a visionary, it would be pure torture for me to cut all these ties. So I carry on corresponding with at least 100 people on the streets and read materials and periodicals on science, travel, art and so much more. My body may be imprisoned, but my mind can only be if I allow it and I refuse to.
Sometimes I feel an utterly worthless bag of saline, I mean I'm essentially a dependant in his 30's who can't contribute much to the world other than a few words on paper to a select few.
Here in this prison, I'm barred from any job for no good reason, and what do I have to show for my life? I've owned a real house and also built one out of a bus, scraps and effort. I've started 2 businesses, explored many countries on 2 continents, gotten married, been a father 5 times over. I've done so many things I could go on and on for pages and yet what do I have to show for it? I've lost every single thing I've ever held in these hands, even my wife, the flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone.
Now everything I have here in prison is a fruit of taxpayer's dollars or the kindness of friends and family who take pity on me. What am I? Who am I? A mooch, a slouch, a fake, a fraud? All of the above? Is there any way I can be redeemed? I suppose not in society's eyes.
I've written to Christian organizations and gotten nasty letters back because "You, Mr. Christine broke a law and must pay the consequences". I'm treated as a dog even in my mail dealings with outside entities. I wonder how I'll ever make in in society as a convicted felon. Sadly, prison teaches you to be jaded and quite ruthless just to survive. I am tired and all worn out and ready for my Exodus. May it come soon. Amen.
Brian Christine.
This is Ruth.
Prison does wear thin. I had a 3 day weekend for Memorial weekend- so nice to have time to do things that need to be done and time to relax and not be feeling that everything has to be done all at once. The food was actually pretty good. I made a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich out of the trimmings for the bacon-cheeseburger and we had blackberry pie and ice cream. Which was a real treat. Best of all was the time I got to spend with Papa (God). Time in prayer and time just realising some of the things the the Lord has done in my life. Spiritually, I have learned so much in these last few years. I have grown in ways I could not have if it weren't for all of this. And it's exciting to realise that and it gives me a real sense that God is in control.
Thank you, all of you for your prayers. They are greatly appreciated. They help us make it through.
God Bless You.